December 2011
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Hey asshole
Maybe don’t be so hard on yourself next year.
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I have spent too much time reading this girl's... →
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New goal in life:
Get Ryan Gosling to punch someone for me.
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I just hate Comcast so fucking much.
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caniwearthisonadate.tumblr.com
Why isn’t this a thing?
Confidential to Maggie Smith:
You are a fucking delight.
“Oh, you hate your job? Why didn’t you say so? There’s a support group for that....”
– Drew Carey (via trainjuice)
"Christmas is coming."
Congratulations, spam emailers - you’ve really outdone yourselves this time.
“They lay there for a few seconds, in the dark, in the future, with Sammy’s...”
– Goddammit Michael Chabon, you are a life ruiner.
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Downton Abbey has made me all swimmy and romantic...
FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK.
Downton Abbey Xmas Xtravaganza
The best part was definitely when the prison guard said, “No touching!” Thank you, Arrested Development, for ruining a beautiful moment.
I did all my obligatory family phone stuff
And now I’m watching Mamma Mia.
Merry Christmas to me.
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So this coffee place at which I spent a large part of my formative years shut down last night, and I am feeling sentimental as fuck. Thank you, Globe Coffee Lounge for
being the location of one of the first conversations I had with my mom in which she was like a real person and not my mom
all of Joshy’s delicious chai
letting my bff and I camp out on that weird red velvet couch until...
The Chantrellines are probably my favorite band.
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“Merry Christmas in jail! Enjoy this drawing of a penis!”
– an actual text I sent to an actual person
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“The word “transgender” is an adjective, and a descriptive word; not a noun or a...”
– How to Respect a Transgender Person (via kristt)
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The Moravians were hot bonkers
S: "juicy wounds of jesus/ whoever sharpens the pen and with it pierces/ you just a little, and licks it, tastes it."
me: I'm going to barf.
S: "soft wounds of jesus, / i like lying calm, gently, and quiet and warm./ What should I do? I crawl to you."
me: Christians are FUCKED UP.
S: "glory to the side-wound!"
It's the reason for the season!
me: That's Easter.
S: Well, he's gotta get born.
me: From Mary's side-hole.
S: perhaps best line in a religious history text: "The cards bore inscriptions such as 'I enjoy strolling in the side-hole' or instructions on how married couples should have sex."
Next year, maybe I will send out christmas cards.
me: What the actual fuck?
I just can't.
It's too much.
Too much glory.
S: the moravians were hot bonkers
me: Apparently.
S: they make lovin fun
me: Is that the title of your paper? "The Moravians Were Hot Bonkers: Adventures in Jesus' Sidehole"
S: I was thinking "Licking Jesus' Hole"
it's to the point.
me: Oof.
Nothing gets the Moravians going like a festering wound.
S: Juicy Hole of Salvation?
me: Can you call it a gash? That would be nice.
And by nice I mean awful.
S: Could it seriously get any worse?
me: No.
S: I just don't understand why this didn't catch on.
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Oh no
This just turned into a mixtape.
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“They showed me what a boy with scoliosis and a dream and 3 slightly more...”
– Jack Foster, on Boyz II Men
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Sorry girl
I didn’t hide your facebook statuses forever because you’re insufferable (hint: you are) but because you ate lunch next to Harry Shum Jr. and I am a small jealous person.
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Remember when Paris Hilton was the worst it could... →
I love you, Gabe.
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So thanks to Spotify, I’m sitting at my desk at work, reliving the moment that I was scandalized by Janet Jackson’s video for If.
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Congratulations, Lands End Canvas
You have made the only pair of jeans I’ve ever bought that fits my crazy ass and thighs but is almost too small in the waist.
Of course, I’m still keeping them and hoping I can stretch them out through sheer force of will.
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"I want to look natural, not naked."
Is this Cover Girl commercial based on us thinking that Sofia Vergara doesn’t know what either of these words mean?
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Listen up VH1 Divas
Boyz II Men has more than 3 people in it.
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I feel like Florence Welch
Really wants to be photographed as the Virgin Mary.
I mean, that’s what she’s going for ultimately, right?
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I don't know how old Sharon Jones is
but goddamn she looks good.
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This is all so fucking cute.
I legit can’t handle it.
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Yes ok
Misfits was sad. Sometimes stories are sad! But woe betide all these assholes who are stinking up the Misfits tag with complaints about how they are never. coming. back. because the show is different than when it first started and they like all the white people who are left but they don’t like Curtis (WHAT A COINCIDENCE).
Girl, bye.