January 2011
2011 : YEAR OF SLUTTINESS
Let’s do this.
December 2010
Me: It looks like you fingerbanged Smufette.
Bimbo: If Smurfette is from cloud Xanadu, I don't curr.
iamdonald:
Feel bad about some people not...
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Movies About Dancing: A Hierarchy
Mad Hot Ballroom > Save the Last Dance > Showgirls > Burlesque > Black Swan
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“Everyone was so worried about who was going to want to see this movie. I...”
– Natalie Portman on ‘Black Swan,’ Entertainment Weekly (via today)
Listen, Portman: you’ve already done it. I already loathe you. Just stop talking.
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The funny thing about going through old playlists...
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Practice last night was awesome.
Like, the kind of awesome where your legs can’t carry you up the stairs afterward. I’m a machine. I come home, and I’m getting ready to
shower. Shorts, tights, socks all come off; I take off my (grey) sports bra and it is red and pink on the inside? So I start to panic, am I bleeding? Did something awful happen to my boob/skin/oh my god what’s that weird thing on my...
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Vacation cancelled
So I dug out my car (and helped with my neighbor’s - ‘tis the season or whatever) and now I’m watching Made of Honor. I want a BFF who’s secretly in love with me and brings me flowers, but only if I get all the adorable sundresses too.
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Dear Blizzard,
Just fucking stop. I’m supposed to leave this godforsaken place in 8 hours, my shit is packed, but if you don’t let up, I’m fucked.
No love,
NS
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To-Do List →
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ROADHOUSE!
TRUE LIFE: I'M AN ALBINO
I’m not joking. This shit is my new favorite thing on tv.
“I’m not nervous. I’m just sweating.”
– <3 you, Return to Fat Camp
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YOUGUYSYOUGUYSYOUGUYS
Black Swan kind of sucked. I mean, parts of it were funny. And it was stressful when people got stabbed in the face.* And the casting (looks-wise) was great. But I still think Natalie Portman hasn’t done anything worthwhile since Everyone Says I Love You.
*It’s not a spoiler if I didn’t see that part because I was hiding behind my hands, right?
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It's all Potter, all the time, or at least until I...
fridaphile:
eatinghighways:
WELL SOMETIMES
I GO OUT BY...
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Nothing is more stressful
than filing old bills. Jesus Christ, I have spent a lot of money on a lot of things.
On the upside, I found a thing I wrote when I was trying to be David Foster Wallace. It’s not too terrible. But there are footnotes.
Misanthropy!
Hey hipsters, do you know what a shitty place to take engagement pictures is? IN THE PRODUCE SECTION OF YOUR LOCAL TINY DELI AT LUNCH TIME.
Put down the fennel and make out elsewhere, assholes.
greengrey:
rodmanstreet:
thusspakekate:
sequinedk:
nola-darling:
leganddairy:
“I’m not black, but I know what it feels like.”
—
Natalie Portman in Allure Magazine, August 2004
*Sigh* Natalie Portman says the dumbest shit.
Man, I have hated that bitch for so long. I’m so glad to finally have a reason!
WILL EVERYONE KINDLY GET OFF MY DICK ABOUT DISLIKING NATALIE PORTMAN...
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iwalktall replied to your post: Horrible confessions
THIS IS ABOUT ME AND YOU’RE A BITCH!
It’s more about everyone I know, and we all knew I was a bitch already.
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Hungarian Prof brought me chocolate!*
And a card! ”With many thanks for your kindness and help!”
I could not love him more if he were actually my grandfather.
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On flirting
I know nothing about flirting. Apparently, when I like you, I say something sort of nice, and then immediately follow it up with an insult*. Also, I have no idea if a person is flirting with me or not, which leads to me sitting awkwardly on their couch for way too long and then freaking out and running away when they stick their tongue in my mouth when I go to leave.**†‡
*Defense mechanism!
...
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Horrible confessions
I like my friends way more when they’re single. Get a boyfriend/engaged/married, and instantly become at minimum 75% less fun/interesting.
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Horrible confessions
I like my friends way more when they’re single. Get a boyfriend/a fuckbuddy you want to talk about/engaged/married, and instantly become at minimum 75% less fun/interesting.
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Potato, potaco
shanaynay replied to your post: Potato, potato
Somewhere along the way I’ve started saying potato, potaco. Feel free to 1) try & make that make sense and 2) use it.
This is brilliant, and I’m going to do it.
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Potato, potato
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"And yet the whole thing is done so clumsily,... →
Richard Lawson’s truly amazeballs review of the U2/Spiderman Broadway disaster.
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ON ONLY WRITING ONE GREAT NOVEL. →
lazybookreviews:
It’s fine, okay? LEAVE OUR WRITERS ALONE WITH YOUR EXPECTATIONS.
I think we have, as a nation, this sense that if you wrote a great novel, you should churn another one out at some point.
SO MUCH WRONG WITH THIS.
First up, we’re obsessed with this notion that hard work pays off. Well, it does,…
I just have to face it: I AM NEVER GOING TO FINISH INFINITE JEST....
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So how feasible would it be for people to pay me...
Not, like, in a salon. Just in my living room.
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Listening to my boss read the description on a box...
It’s actually really fun to stock the place with baked goods and watch her slowly lose her mind.
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Guys, I had forgotten about this until just now.
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OMG MIRACLE
The cord on my computer speakers is long enough that I can plug them into my iPod and then PUT THE IPOD ON MY BEDSIDE TABLE.
“Working is awesome and being married sucks.”
– Amy Pohler, Baby Mama